


Slow It Down, A Joshifer Fan Fic

by OhhMockingjayyy



Category: Hunger Games (2012) RPF, Josh Hutcherson - Fandom, Joshifer - Fandom, Real Person Fiction, jennifer lawrence - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-27
Updated: 2014-04-25
Packaged: 2017-12-09 18:04:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/776394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhhMockingjayyy/pseuds/OhhMockingjayyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story dedicated to my favorite (fictional) couple, Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson. Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Jennifer/Josh or any of the characters mentioned in this story. This is meant to be a work of fiction only, completely from my imagination. It is NOT meant to depict reality in any way shape or form. Rating M for later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[A/N: All right I'm still new to writing, I hope you enjoy. I'm going to try to update at least once a week. PLEASE REVIEW!]

 

The scent of peppermint always reminded me of Christmas at my grandmother's house in Kentucky. She had this little bowl of candy that sat beside her chair in the den and every time I went over there during the holidays I would leave with a hand full of peppermint candy in my pocket.

 

It was only days before Christmas and I was sitting in an airport waiting to fly home from Hawaii where I'd been filming Catching Fire. My face was buried in one of my favorite books but there was one little boy who kept running from his mother and climbing into the chair next to me. He'd wave his candy cane at me and giggle bashfully before climbing down and running back to her. I have to admit the first few times it was cute, but now, after a least a dozen interruptions just trying to get through this one paragraph, I was considering escaping down the terminal to find a Starbucks or some other form of caffeine.

 

I gathered up my things, shoving my book into my large black purse before tugging my sunglasses down over my eyes. The last thing I felt like dealing with was the rampage of paparazzi or screaming fans but things had actually been pretty quiet lately. Of course, there were the set picture popping up everywhere but few people actually got more than a birds-eye view.

 

Most of the cast was leaving Hawaii for Christmas, though we'd be back for a few more weeks after the holidays to finish filming. I was going to fly into LAX and relax at home until Christmas Eve and then head to Kentucky to see my family for a the week.

 

“Caramel Macchiato, please.”

 

“Sure, and what's your—oh... your that girl, from the Hunger Games. Katie, Katie come here, it's...”

 

_Oh shit._ I found myself shaking my head desperately. _Great, just great_ , I thought. “Jennifer.” I said, completing his sentence. A few people were poking their heads up from their laptops, looking around when the manager walked up silencing the star-struck barista.

 

“Anything else for you ma'am?” The manager asked. My eyes fell on the cake pops. _Caaaake pops_ , I couldn't resist.

 

“One of the cake pops, also.” I stammered.

 

Between the coffee and my usual anxiety of flying I was a jittery mess about half-way through my flight home. Reading was impossible so I resorted to listening to music and playing on my iPhone. I ended up finding a text message from Nick that I missed yesterday.

 

_Can't wait to see you, Angel. I've missed you._

 

A little smile played on my lips reading that. Nick and I had grown apart a lot lately, our careers were just on different tracks right now but I would be happy to see him back in California. He had been busy filming “Warm Bodies” and now was working on “Mad Max” while I was busy with all things Hunger Games and “The Silver Linings Playbook”. 

 

By the end of the long flight I was so relieved to touch down on solid ground. When I finally made it past all the paparazzi and back to my condo in LA I was exhausted. The quiet silence was spectacular though. I quickly changed into sweatpants and one of Nick's t-shirts he left over here and began flipping through the channels on TV. I smiled when I found A Christmas Story playing on TBS and sat down with a bowl of ice cream to relax. 

 

A few minutes later my phone buzzed on the end table and I reached over to see Josh's name on the display.

 

_Make it home safely?_

 

I slid my thumb over the display and sat down the bowl in my lap before my fingers slid over the screen. 

 

_The paparazzi practically attacked my Volkswagen but I'm safe on my couch right now... with ice-cream and a Christmas Story._

 

I barely had time to put my phone down before his response came through.

 

_A Christmas Story? Check it. Well, have a good night Jen._

 

_Goodnight Josh,_ I replied and finished my ice cream before curling up under the blankets. 

 

 

I woke up to the sound of knocking on the door to my condo.

 

_Shit! What time is it?!_

 

I kicked off the covers knocking over the empty bowl of ice cream onto the carpet below and searched the couch cushions for my phone. _8:49 AM._ The banging on the door didn't stop so I got up running a hand through my tangled hair as I went to peek through the peephole. To my surprise, Nick was standing on the other side, a grin spread across his face and his blue eyes gleaming. My fingers danced over the dead-bolt and I swung open the door.

 

“Nicholas Hoult. What are you doing here so early?” I grinned from ear to ear.

 

He pulled a dozen red roses from behind his back, he wasn't hiding them all that well anyway. I accepted them and then he grabbed me, tugging me into his arms.

 

“I couldn't stand another minute without you, Love.” He said into my hair as our bodies pressed together in the doorway of my condo. In his other hand he held a brown paper bag, it crunched against my back as he held me. 

 

“You brought food...” I deducted and he laughed as we closed the door to the condo. Nick made his way over to the pile of blankets on my couch. 

 

“You have a bed, you know.” Nick said, tossing the blankets into the chair in the corner and tripping over the bowl in the floor, causing the spoon to clink against the china. 

 

“I couldn't make it that far.” I said, scooping up the bowl and heading off to the kitchen to put the roses in water. I deposited the dish in the sink and then began searching for a vase for the roses. “These are beautiful, Nick.” I called out from the kitchen as I trimmed the stems and sat the vase of roses on the bar where he could see from the living room. 

 

“So are you, Raven.” He grinned. He always called me that on the set of X-Men where we met and it stuck, only because I hated it _so much_. It was like his way of poking fun at me and I just rolled my eyes before joining him with two glasses of orange juice on the couch. 

 

“I'll let you by with the one, only because you brought food.” I mused. “What's in the bag??” 

 

He dumped the contents on the table. “Sausage biscuits from Pann's.” A little container toppled out next to the biscuits. “Country fried potatoes too.” 

 

My eyes widened and I leaned over pressing a kiss to Nick's cheek. “You know me too well.” 

 

We ate our breakfast together on the couch, talking about Hawaii and his upcoming premieres. Nick was the type of guy that I instantly felt comfortable around. I didn't mind sitting here, hair a mess, in my sweatpants and eating breakfast with him. He had to leave soon though and promised to be back tonight to pick me up for dinner. We were celebrating Christmas over dinner tonight so that meant I had all day to find his perfect Christmas gift. What on earth would I buy him? The guy had everything. 

 

I took a shower, straightened my hair and got prepared to head out to The Grove. I put on a little make-up and found a hat to wear. LA was getting unbearable because of the paparazzi but I was hoping for the best. My friend Zoë joined in the adventure and we ended up basically playing “hide from the paparazzi” all day. We came out with a handful of bags, a few strange fan encounters to laugh about and a bag containing my gifts for Nick. 

 

I had purchased a bottle of Macallan 18 to share over dinner tonight. The box set of Tarantino movies and the Coach gloves he'd mentioned the last time we were in the UK. He'd be heading there to see his family tomorrow and I'd head to Kentucky. We'd be worlds away from each other, again. 

 

After I dropped Zoë off at her loft I went home to wrap up his gift and get ready for dinner. At 6:25 there was a knock on my door. I was about mid-way through fixing my hair. I put down my straightener, wondering why Nick was so early. When I swung open the door though I found Josh, my co-star from the Hunger Games and friend, standing on the other side. 

 

“Oh my god, Josh! What are you doing here?” I exclaimed embarrassed with the state of my appearance. Half my hair was up in a clip on one side of my hair, curly out like a peacock and the other side was straight down to my shoulders. 

 

“God, I shouldn't have come up here uninvited. It's just... Vanessa and... I didn't know what to do.” He was rambling, his eyes were red and he was sort of stumbling over his speech. 

 

“Joshua Ryan! Are you drunk?!” I exclaimed. “How did you get here??” 

 

“I walked.” He slurred. “She kicked me out of the car about three blocks back. Told me I could walk home. That bitch.” 

 

“Get in here, now.” I said, pulling him inside, thinking about all the paparazzi in the area lately. “What happened?” I finally asked as I brought him a bottle of water from the fridge. 

“We had a fight. We always have a fight. I go to Hawaii for a month and come back and she wants to fight some more. I'm so done with her bullshit Jennifer.” 

 

I stood there for a few minutes listening to him continue to tell about their constant bickering. I'd heard all about it really. Nick would be here soon though and I knew I had to finish getting ready. I wasn't entirely sure how excited he would be about Josh showing up on my door step. Eventually I escaped and finished straightening my hair and putting on my make up. When I made it back into the living room Josh had his head in his hands. 

 

“Avan's on his way.” He muttered. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...”

 

“It's fine Josh. It's not really safe to be out there on the curb lately. Too many eyes. Are you all right though?” 

 

“I'm fine. It's just, finally over. I can't deal with this anymore.” He finally looked up at me and for a moment a trace of a smile played on his lips. “Fuck Lawrence, you're beautiful.” 

 

I let out a loud laugh. “I just fixed my hair Josh.” 

 

“Well,” he chuckled a little, “You need a hot date? I mean...” 

 

“I already have one actually. Nick and I are going out for Christmas dinner tonight. I leave for Kentucky tomorrow and he's going back to England to visit his family for the holidays.” I grinned. “Sober up Hutcherson. How far away is your boy?” 

 

“I don't know, like 10 minutes I think.” 

 

I glanced at the clock, Nick would be here any minute. I suppressed a groan and made my way to grab his gifts and make sure I was indeed beautiful. _That's laughable_ , I thought. I don't really understand what everyone else sees but I always appreciate the confidence boost. That's when the doorbell rang, how was I ever going to explain this one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

“So you're telling me that Josh just showed up on your door step, Jennifer?”

 

“Yes and you could have been a little nicer, don't you think?” I said locking the door to my condo and following Nick towards his car parked on the curb.

 

“He was drunk! He came running to you! What am I supposed to think?!” Nick was almost shouting now as he ducked into the driver's side of his Audi next to me and slammed the door.

 

If the paparazzi was anywhere nearby they'd be all over us in a matter of seconds now. I was actually hoping they had caught sight of Avan and Josh leaving a few minutes ahead of us and were now following them around LA instead of me. I was especially regretting this whole situation now as I looked out of the window while Nick cruised down Sunset Boulevard. This was supposed to our night and it was starting out just _perfectly_. I could feel a tear slip down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away and willed the rest of my tears to stay in my eyes. _Thank God for waterproof mascara._

 

“Seriously. There is nothing going on between me and Josh. He's my _friend_ , Nick. You have to trust me.” I finally piped up when I was sure I had my composure.

 

Nick's lips were pressed in a solemn line, his eyes on the road as he gave a small nod in response. It left me wondering what was going on in his head. We rode in silence until he finally turned the car over to the valet in front of a small Italian restaurant off Melrose Avenue. I gathered his gifts from the floor board and stepped out balancing on my red stiletto heels.

 

He slid an arm around me as he closed my door and leaned over to whisper into my ear. “Let's just enjoy the evening, all right love?”

 

I relaxed a bit, a smile playing on my lips as I conceded. I didn't want to spend the evening fighting. It was ridiculous. It was just Josh, we were just friends, I didn't do anything wrong.

 

Dinner was excellent. After a few glasses of wine and a plate of squash mezzelune, Nick and I were smiling and laughing. I had all but forgotten our spat over my drunken co-star and his rocky relationship.

 

“Here,” I grinned widely. “Open your gift first.” I passed the small gift bag across the table to Nick. It had grown quiet in the restaurant and I was glad to have the privacy. Nick dug around in the bag for a moment and his blue eyes lit up when he pulled the gloves from the red and green tissue paper.

 

“Jen, these cost a fortune!” He exclaimed, as a broad smile curled his lips. “And Tarantino on blu-ray. It's perfect.”

 

I smiled lightly as he put his gifts down and reached over the table to take both of my hands. The candle votive in the center of the table flickered over the green table cloth.

 

“Thank you.” He said quietly as his thumb traced over mine.

 

“You're welcome.” I said nudging his leg with my stiletto heel under the table. He raised an eyebrow and motioned to the server for the check. She disappeared around the corner and he released my hand to grab a small box from his pocket.

 

I examined the little white box closely as he carefully placed it on the table in front of me. A hint of a smile played on his lips as he waited for me to open it. I slid a midnight blue fingernail under the red ribbon on the box and began to untie it.

 

Little boxes like this scared me. I always heard that “good things come in small packages” but so do huge commitments. My heart was beating a little too quickly as I slid the ribbon off the box and proceeded to open it up. As I lifted the lid off the box I could see that the object inside was a key and my eyes widened in disbelief.

 

“What is this?” I sputtered as I looked up at Nick. “Where does this key belong?” My heart was pounding against my ribs now. It threatened to beat right out of my chest, right onto the table in front of me as I waited for an explanation.

 

Nick's blue eyes trailed from the silver key between my fingers up to finally meet my eyes. The smirk spread across his face was so like him.

 

“Jennifer, will you move to Manhattan with me?”

 

My mouth was gaping open as I searched for words. I could barely think with my pulse pounding against my temples. A sense of dread washed through me and my stomach churned. Luckily our server returned to the table, giving me a few more moments to gather my thoughts. I took a huge swig of water hoping to wash my dinner back down.

 

I wasn't paying any attention to the conversation between the server and Nick. I was trying to figure out if I was ready for such a huge step in our relationship. I certainly wasn't planning on being one of those domestic wives who stayed at home raising children all day. Husbands, children, just weren't part of my plan at all right now, I had my career and that was really all that I wanted right now.

 

“So what do you say?” He inquired again. It felt like his icy blue eyes were piercing into my soul.

 

“I—I mean I'd have to sell the condo and all my contacts are here in LA. I don't know, Nick.” I answered honestly. He was dreaming if he thought I could just drop everything and move across the country with him.

 

“So you'll consider it?” He said, a half smile playing on his lips.

 

“I'll consider it.” I nodded. It wasn't an outright lie. I was considering it right now, wasn't I?

 

I finished my glass of water while Nick ran to the restroom. I put the small box containing the key to Nick's loft in Manhattan in my purse. It definitely wasn't what I was expecting for Christmas. Maybe a necklace or a bracelet, not a key to his loft across the country. I tried not to show how disappointed I was as he drove us home through the dark streets of LA.

 

When we arrived at my condo Nick parked in his usual spot on the curb and then came around to get the door for me. I stepped out, wobbling on my heels and leaning against him. He walked me up the stairs until we were standing at the door of my condo. I wasn't sure if he was expecting to come in, especially since I hadn't jumped at the opportunity to uproot my life at the drop of a pin. I was feeling confused and disappointed and I couldn't read from his expression what he had been expecting or how he was feeling.

 

He leaned down, catching me off guard before I could get the key in the lock of the door, and pressed his lips to my ear.

 

“I had a great time with you tonight, love.” He whispered, his hot breath tickling my ear.

 

“Me too.” I said breathlessly, turning to face him in the darkness.

 

His lips crushed against mine and my fingers wound into his dark hair. His body pinning me back against the door for a moment before the flash bulbs from down the corridor startled me from the moment.

 

“Jennifer. Nick.” The voices called as cameras shuttered.

 

“Fuck.” Nick muttered as he pulled away. I quickly turned, jamming the key into the lock and pushing the door open.

 

The two of us stood there for a moment, looking at one another, once the door was closed.

 

“The paparazzi is unbearable here anymore.” I groaned, kicking off my heels.

 

“That's why you should come to Manhattan, Jenn.” He reaffirmed as he caught his breath from our quick entrance.

 

“I don't know, Nick. It's just not that simple.” I sighed as he pulled me into his arms.

 

“I should go. I have an early flight. Just promise me you'll think about it.” He said, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

 

I nodded and and poised on my tiptoes to give him a lingering kiss. Part of me wished he could stay tonight but the other part of me was still overwhelmed and frankly disappointed. I just wanted time to think and it was already past midnight.

 

After Nick left I found myself laying in bed, the covers curled up around me, trying to absorb their warmth. Before I fell asleep though my phone buzzed on my nightstand. I rolled over expecting a good night text from Nick. Instead I found a text from Josh.

 

_Look, I'm really sorry about everything. I shouldn't have just showed up. Hope you had a great night anyway._

 

I stared at that message for a long time before I turned off the light. For some reason I wanted to call Josh, tell him how horribly everything went tonight, but I didn't. I laid down and closed my eyes trying to decide if I could really leave LA. If I could ever see myself marrying Nick, having his kids. _Isn't that what living together leads up to?_ I tried to imagine myself as the mother of the little boy in the airport, giggling bashfully. Was that what I really wanted?

 

I finally gave up. I found my eyes closing and eventually sleep took me under it's grip. The next thing I knew “Jingle Bell Rock” was blaring through the room signaling time for my busy day to begin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A/N: I'M ALIVE. So I'm sure most of you thought I'd forgotten this story. Truth is, I never did but I'm very sorry for the lack of updates. This is a short chapter but I hope you'll let me know what you think.]

 

I was staring into the bowl of peppermints at my grandmother's house when my brothers burst into the living room, hot and sweaty. Blaine was still tossing around the football in his hands when Ben swatted it into the floor.

“Dammit, Ben!” Blaine hissed as the ball bounced over the carpet to my feet. The sound of their laughter stopped when my grandfather glared at them from his spot on the couch.

“Your grandmother's never allowed you to play ball in this house, so you're not starting now,” he said in a harsh tone, and I grinned up at them with raised eyebrows as they both took seats in the living room with Grandpa.

“Sorry, Pops.” Ben said, reclining back in his chair and I could see the ghost of a smile on my grandfather's face. Grams must be in hearing distance. _Sucker,_ I thought.

Most of the afternoon passed quickly, lunch and gifts and visiting with everyone. I hardly even checked my phone during the day and when I finally glanced at on the ride back to my parent's house I saw I'd missed a few calls. Nick, twice... and then there was a text from Josh.

_How's Kentucky? Hope you had a safe flight._

I grinned as I typed out a response from the dark back seat. Mom and Dad were forcing me to listen to Christmas music but hey, it got me out of driving.

_It's good. Merry Christmas, Josh._ I responded, deciding to wait until I was alone to call Nick.

I hadn't told my parents about his request for me to move to Manhattan. As much as I liked Nick, I couldn't even imagine living permanently in New York or even living _with_ Nick. I had started my career out there but if I could just live in Kentucky and pursue my career, I probably would. My thoughts were interrupted by my Dad's voice. He was looking in the rear-view mirror at me as he sang.

“You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why.” He bellowed and I laughed out loud before I gave in and sang the last of the song with him and my mother. Luckily Blaine and Ben were not around to make fun of me. I was the last one who still had a room at my parents and I really didn't think I was in a hurry to change that.

I spent the rest of the night finishing the book by J.D Salinger I had been trying to read lately and when I turned to the last page, there stood a short biography of the author. The word “Manhattan” leaped right off the page at me. Salinger had been raised in Manhattan. It was like I just couldn't escape this decision I was putting off. Finally, I crept down the hall to the kitchen to find my mother standing over the sink.

“Don't you know Santa doesn't come until you're fast asleep?” She grinned and I just shook my head at her.

“Who says I believe in Santa?” I jeered, pouring myself a glass of milk before learning back against the counter and taking a drink.

“Mom?” I said, as she started to walk out of the kitchen. She turned around slowly before I continued. “Nick asked me to move in with him. In Manhattan.”

It was hard to read her expression at first, shock maybe? She had met Nick, he wasn't a spectacle at our house, but she knew a bit about my relationship with him. She also knew how much my career meant to me, and my independence. I confided in my mom quite often, actually. I guess I was lucky to have such a wonderful mother.

“And what did you say?” She asked, though I'm quite certain she knew the answer already.

“I told him I'd _think_ about it.”

“And have you?” She said with knitted eyebrows, her voice quieter than before.

“Yes.” I answered honestly, sitting down my glass on the counter. “I just... I don't think I can do that right now.” And suddenly I was pouring out my heart on Christmas Eve to my mother.

I ended up crawling into bed around midnight. I had forgotten to call Nick but it was too late now. I wasn't sure how I was going to tell him that I wasn't moving to New York with him. I wondered if he would break it off with me because I wasn't ready to take the next step? Could we be the same? I mean we'd dealt with distance plenty. That I was used to, but this was going to feel like I was rejecting him and I didn't know any way around it if I truly followed my heart. Eventually I fell asleep that night, and did my damnedest to avoid Nick until I was back in LA the day after Christmas.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a tough chapter to write, sorry if it's a tough one to read. I promise I'm getting into Joshifer soon. As always, thanks for reading and for reviewing!

 

—Jennifer—

 

I laid on my back, eyes opening to stare at the ceiling fan above me. My neck ached and my back hurt. It was late, I could tell from the sunlight pouring into the room from the nearby window.

 

“Jet lag suuucks”, I sighed aloud and rolled to look past Nick at the clock. Nine thirty-three.

 

I tried to force my eyes shut for a while. I tugged the covers up to my chin but I couldn't will myself back to sleep. I slipped out of bed, leaving a sleeping Nick sprawled across the sheets. I settled my mind with a hot shower and a steaming mug of coffee. That was until Nick appeared in the kitchen doorway clad in only his pajama pants. He stood staring with sleepy eyes over at me sitting on a bar stool at the island.

 

“Hi.” I smiled, bringing the warm mug to my lips.

 

“Good morning.” Nick said, padding over to the coffee maker. “Happy New Year's Eve, love.”

 

The last time we had talked was on Christmas Day. We chatted about the gifts we received, silly family traditions and then I agreed to come to New York with him for New Year's. I had only visited Times Square at New Year's a few times and now that he had this condo in Manhattan, I couldn't think of a reason why I shouldn't indulge him. I thought maybe I would find a way to break the news to him that my stay wasn't permanent. I didn't find that opportunity last night after I arrived though. I had ached for the feel of his skin against mine too badly to ruin the moment after we were breathless in the sheets. Now, as I stare down at my empty coffee mug, all I can seem to feel is some sort of mix of guilt and regret for not being completely up front with him.

 

“Happy New Year's Eve”, I managed as I propped my elbows on the bar. His genuine smile made that little flicker of guilt flare up a little more.

 

“Could get used to this, you know. Waking up to hot coffee and a beautiful woman in my kitchen. Or in my bed...” He mumbled the last part his lips curling into a tempestuous grin.

 

Deadpan.

 

_Fuck_. I thought to myself, the heavy silence looming between us as he pours himself a cup of coffee. I must have thanked God ten times in half a second that Nick couldn't see my face. Well, this was it, the opportunity to try and explain myself, explain my decision. I took a deep breath as he turned to face me, eyebrows raised in question.

 

“I could too, I mean, maybe. I just... I can't leave LA, Nick, I'm sorry.” _That was great Jen, so much for being straight forward._

 

“What do you mean? You've got plenty of options here. You travel to location when you're filming anyway. Why can't you exactly?” He sipped his coffee but the bitter look didn't disappear.

 

The look on his face made my stomach swirl. Nick was my first real boyfriend. The first guy I ever loved but I couldn't settle on the idea of him being the last too. Not yet, not for sure. I tried to think about the night with my mom, how easy it was to explain to her but this was entirely different.

“Are you really sure that you're ready to live together, Nick? And what would that be exactly? We'd hardly be home at the same time. Like you said, I'd be on location or you would. All my friends are in Los Angeles and my agent. I just... “ I trailed off, trying to find a better way to word it but, “I'm not ready for that yet” is all that tumbled out.

 

Livid. He was livid, it was clear in his eyes. The sleepy look was gone and all that was left in those blue eyes was anger.

 

“Fuck, Jen. When will you be ready for that? We've been together for three years now! What are you waiting for? And... and.. your friends? What about your boyfriend?!” He slammed his coffee mug down on the counter, staring at me expectantly.

 

“I don't know. I... just don't know.” I dropped my gaze to my lap. _This was going swell._ “I love you, Nick. I just don't want to uproot everything and leave all my friends.”

 

He shook his head at me when I looked back up at him reluctantly. It hurt every part of me to see him so upset. I didn't want to lose him. I really wasn't sure what it'd be like without him anymore.

 

“I need a shower,” was all he managed to say before I was swiping the tears running down my cheeks as I sat, all alone, at the bar again.

 

 

Nick was quiet most of the afternoon as I laid on the couch in the living room watching _VH1's Top 100 of 2013_. It sucked me in and almost made me forget how incredibly mad Nick was. I could feel his sullen stare on me occasionally though.

 

Eventually I got up and took a shower myself. I didn't even want to go anymore if Nick was just going to be a jerk all night but I figured if I backed out now, that it would only make things worse. I pulled out the dazzling red dress I brought and black stilettos. _I would at least remind him why he was with me and maybe remind him I was worth the wait_ , I thought.

 

When I was finally dressed, hair straightened, and make up on, I stepped out of the bedroom to find Nick in the kitchen, a bottle of Chimay to his lips. As he lowered the bottle I could see the little grin on his lips and I couldn't help but smile in return.

 

“Ready?” I asked grabbing my black clutch off the counter. He nodded, shrugging on his jacket and grabbing my sweater for me.

 

We were about three miles from Times Square and I insisted I wasn't walking in these shoes so Nick drove us as close as we could get and pulled into a parking garage nearby. I was surprised when I saw him pull the bottle of Chimay from under the seat after he parked.

 

“The fuck, Nick?” I hissed and he popped the cork out again and took a long swig, not bothering to look at me.

 

“Lighten' up, Jen,” he mused. Clearly this wasn't the only bottle he had opened while I was getting ready. He was thoroughly disappointed I hadn't brought a huge purse as he slid the bottle back under the seat. _Perfect. Just perfect_ , I thought.

 

Despite the crowd, Nick didn't bother to hold my hand and I didn't dare try to grab his. The two of us walked next to each other down the busy Broadway Street sidewalk until the familiar sight of Times Square enveloped us.

 

The New Year's Eve ball sat looming atop One Times Square and people everywhere were gathering towards the stage. Luckily, only few of them were looking around yet and I hadn't been noticed much. Nick had found some friend of his and they chatted loudly, and I had to put on my best smile as he introduced me. I did note he still called me “his girlfriend”. I guessed that was a good sign.

 

The rest of the evening we spent hanging around with David and his date, Caitlin. She was quiet for the most part. She seemed more interested in the environment than in David. He and Nick both constantly had a drink in their hand and I couldn't help but wonder if she was maybe a little starstruck. Not long before midnight it was extremely clear that both Nick and David were completely wasted. David couldn't seem to keep his hands to himself and Caitlin clearly wasn't amused. Her frustration was mounting and when she finally cursed at him and pushed him off her, I watched as she darted off into the crowd in disbelief.

 

I glared at Nick but he and David were just laughing. This was so unlike Nick and I was so entirely pissed off that I glared at Nick and took off after the girl. She'd said like two words to me the whole time but she seemed like better company than my own boyfriend at this point. After about five minutes of pushing through the crowd I lost sight of Caitlin and the sound of counting was all that filled my ears. I looked up, now lost in a sea full of strangers, as the seconds until midnight ticked down to zero.

 

A hundred voices all screamed “Happy New Year” in unison and all I could manage to do was just stand there, angry, disappointed and, worst of all, alone.

 

“Happy fucking New Year” I practically yelled, noting how badly my feet hurt. I got a few stares, a few people yelling my name but I didn't care. It was going to be a long three mile walk back to Nick's condo, lucky for me I had a key.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

It was 10 A.M when I woke up, the alarm on my phone incessantly chiming at me to begin the day. As soon as I reached, eyes half-closed, to the nightstand and grabbed it I swiped the “snooze” button and it proceeded to alert me at least ten times with text messages. I assumed all of them said “Happy New Year” and closed my eyes. I was aware that Nick wasn't in bed next to me. Frankly, I was glad because I would have been tempted to shove one of those stiletto heels up any orifice of his body I could reach for what he did to me last night. The blisters on my feet wouldn't feel better though, and neither would the ache in my chest.

I dozed off for what only seemed like seconds until my phone was reminding me again I had a flight to catch back to Los Angeles. It wasn't the sound of the phone that got me out of bed though, it was the sound of Nick being sick in the bathroom. _Fuck you_ , I grumbled to the stale air around me. My stomach churned just at the sound of it but part of me was a little happy that he was getting his karma today. I wondered what happened to Caitlin, the girl from the night before, as I threw the covers off and made my way to the kitchen.

Before I could even open the fridge I saw David, the guy from the night before, passed out in the floor by the couch. _Seriously?!_ It was all I could do to start the coffee maker and take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. I considered making breakfast, _very loudly_ , but couldn't bring myself to even muster the energy to do that.

I heard Nick emerge from the bathroom and the sound of him stumbling and falling onto the mattress. If he thought being sick was the worst part of his morning he had another thing coming. I was furious, and even sleeping all night didn't calm me down much. I didn't even bother to close the door when I walked back into his bedroom, looking him over. He was pale and laying on his stomach, eyes closed but I just couldn't find it in me to feel sorry for him. Not even a little.

“You've got to be kidding me.” I said, the bitterness in my voice unmistakable.

“Jen, can it wait? I don't feel good.”

“And you think I do? You think walking three miles home was _fun_?” It was a bit of a stretch. I managed to hail a cab for the last two miles I approximated.

No answer. He didn't even bother to open his eyes.

“I tell you that I'm not ready to move in with you so you act like a child? Like a sixteen year old, with no regard for anyone but yourself? Was that suppose to win me over, Nick?!” I had lost control of my tone, emotions winning me over entirely, I was infuriated.

His eyes opened then. He rolled to his back, propping up on his elbows. “I've spent three years winning you over, or so I thought. What the hell do you want from me, Jennifer?”

His tone was weary, reflective of how crummy he probably felt and, yet, I still wanted to yell at him. I took a deep breath instead.

“I need some time, Nick, and some space. To think about where things are going here, and where I want them to go.” I hadn't considered the consequences of such a bold statement very well. I almost regretted the words once they were off the tip of my tongue.

“What does that mean? Are you breaking up with me?” His blue eyes felt like they were boring a hole into me and when I met them, my barriers fell. Anger dissolving into fear. _Was I breaking up with him?_

“No.” I said quietly. It came out more like a question than I meant for it to and Nick picked up on my uncertainty. My eyes fell to the ground, unable to hide the tears welling up inside them.

“Then what do you mean? What do you want?” he said and I could hear the sound of him laying back against the pillows and my phone chime again beside him. Of course he rolled to grab it, basically throwing it at me after he looked at the display. “Josh Hutcherson. I should have figured you'd run to him to tell him how much you hate your boyfriend.”

_That was it._ His comment caught me so off guard that my phone slide right through my hands, crashing to the hardwood below. The sound told me everything without even looking down at it. _Hardwood 1, iPhone 0._ My eyes must have widened to the size of saucers as I stared a hole through Nicholas Hoult.

_Fuck the phone_ , I thought.

“I don't run to anyone! Our business is our business. I haven't even looked at my phone since yesterday afternoon and Josh is just _my friend_ and _coworker_. How many times do I have to tell you?!” I was yelling and I could hear our guest moving around in the living room now and the sound of the guest bathroom door closing. “I have a flight to catch,” I finally mumbled leaning down to grab my phone. The screen was cracked, I could barely read the display at all now. “You going to buy me a new phone?” I sputtered, waving the broken phone at him.

“Your fumble, not mine,” he said sourly, rolling to his stomach. “Tell Josh to buy you one,” he added as I grabbed my clothes and disappeared into the bathroom for a hot shower.

“Shut the fuck up, Nick.” I said, slamming the bathroom door behind me. I could hear him laugh bitterly.

 ---

I took a taxi to the airport. I was early for my flight but I wasn't staying in that condo with Nick and David any longer than I had to. I hadn't officially broken up with Nick. I wasn't sure what I had done really. I tried not to think about it as I made my way through security and into the waiting area to get on my plane to LA.

It wasn't until then that I even remembered to check my messages. It was quite a challenge with the broken screen. I kept wondering if I was going to cut myself but it was just cracked, not entirely shattered. I'd have to get it replaced before I left for Hawaii for filming tomorrow. I had just enough time to get home, shower and unpack before repacking a whole different season's worth of clothes for the warmer climate. I wished I had time to call Zoe but I didn't want to have to go mid-explanation to board the plane.

I scrolled through text messages, my sunglasses pushed up into my dark hair. I let it cascade around my face in an attempt to keep from attracting unwanted attention. There were at least eight messages from family, Blaine, Mom, Ben, cousins, etc. Zoe, and Sam sent messages around 2 A.M. And Josh's message from this morning. I responded to everyone with “Thanks”, or at least I thought I did. It was kind of hard to tell, honestly.

First Class and Zone 1 were called for boarding then so I slid my phone into my Hurley purse and boarded the flight. I got comfy in my seat and my phone chimed from my pocket book. I leaned forward to check my notifications.

_Spanks?_ The message read, Josh's name barely visible at the top through the cracked screen. I laughed out loud, the first time all day.

_Omg, did I send that? Shit. My phone's cracked._ I sent back quickly.

_Sure. I think you secretly want me though,_ his response read and I grinned again.

_Go home, Josh, you're drunk._

_Hey, you're the one who tried to spank me._

Just then the attendant came by. “I need you to put up your phone, Miss.”

“Oh sorry.” I said sheepishly but after she walked away I responded.

_On my way back to LA. Be safe, Hutcherson._

I turned my broken phone off, sighing. I was ready to be back in Hawaii, away from Nick, away from everything. Just doing what I love. Before I knew it, I was waking up to the sounds of the pilot on the speakers overhead announcing our landing in Los Angeles in five minutes.

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

—Josh—

New Years was a bust. Vanessa had texted me, begged me to come to her New Years party and instead I had a pity party for myself at home. I ended up laying around all night and watching the ball drop on TV before Connor forced me off the couch after I fell asleep.

We were done.  _Done, done._  Okay, I said that last time but I meant it this time. I was tired of being the guy that would come at her any beckoning call. So I had ignored her texts until now. Somehow the golden sun rising on the horizon over the ocean made me finally send her a message.

_Hope you’re good._ I typed out, sending it before I could change my mind and I put out the cigarette out in the ash tray in front of me. This was my only free day before filming began tomorrow and I had plans of hitting the beach early to try and do some paddle boarding. I was on my way out the door when Jen almost bumped into me running down the corridor. At first I didn’t realize it was her but when she screamed and yelled “Sorry” as she kept going I realized it. I looked around and didn’t see any reason I should run so I shrugged it off, grabbed my gear and headed down to the beach to meet Trey.

Trey was sort of like a body-guard but he had really become one of my best friends next to Avan. He helped me with everything basically and he was a good guy in just about every way. It wasn’t until we were taking a break from paddle boarding on the beach did I see Jennifer and her brother, Blaine. They were just a little ways down the beach.

“Katniss, Katniss! Save me Katniss!” Taunted Trey with a grin and I laughed.

“You would, man. I am single now though.” I joked as I watched her. The blue bikini looked great, even at this distance. She was my friend but damn, I couldn’t help but look sometimes. She was gorgeous and those tits, _fuuuck_.

“So is she, I heard.” Trey retorted and I gave him a look of disbelief. “No really, I heard on the phone last night on the elevator at the condo. She was telling someone about it. I didn’t catch all the details.”

“Jennifer Lawrence and Nicholas Hoult, split? Naaah, I don’t believe you man.”

“Ask her yourself then.” Trey said. “If you’re not too much of a wimp.”

“I’ll show you wimp,” I said grabbing my board. “Right out there in the ocean.” I smirked and took off for round two.

I couldn’t help but steal one more look at Jennifer though. What if she was single? Dating your co-star, made me think about Vanessa, what a bad idea. It didn’t matter, I bet Jennifer wouldn’t give me the time of day anyway but I tried to push the little spark of hope inside me away as a wave knocked me on my ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A/N: Super short chapter but I wanted to get some sort of update in to bridge to my next chapter. Thanks for reading and for being patient, my life has been... insane.]


	7. Chapter 7 - Slow It Down

— _Jennifer—_

We had been filming in Hawaii for three weeks already I realized as I stretched against the sheets of my California King sized bed. Sunday mornings were the most quiet and serene and usually the only days we had off from filming. By the time Sunday rolled around I wanted to explore the area and the attractions but between the red rash on my bottom from that damn wet suit and pure exhaustion, all I could really bring myself to do was close my eyes again. When I opened them back up it was ten o’clock and the sound of banging on my door was what convinced me to drag my ass out of bed. 

I hadn’t talked to Nick since I arrived in Hawaii. He hadn’t called or even texted and I wasn’t about to give in. He was an ass. New Years was a disaster and I just wasn’t ready to have the conversation about where this relationship was going, or what we were doing. I was definitely too tired to make myself contemplate all of that today. I realized though, as I pushed myself out of bed that I didn’t want to have the conversation with him, mostly because I preferred not having to face the fact that maybe we really were just going in opposite directions. Maybe Jennifer and Nick really were over. _Over_. The world rolled through my mind in some sort of odd way. Like it was impossible and I was not even able to really grasp how that could be.

I had made it to the door just as I heard Josh and Sam’s voices on the other side laughing. 

“Just a minute,” I croaked in my sleepy voice as my hand grasped the door knob and pulled it open to see the two of them perched on the rail grinning at me. 

“Hello sleepy head,” said Josh as he brushed a hand through his faux blonde locks and side eyed our co-star Sam Claflin. _Their bromance is sickening_ , I thought to myself taking a step back from the doorway. 

“To what do I owe this honor?” I asked as they stepped inside

“You don't always want to see my smiling face?” Sam grinned.

“Actually, we brought breakfast.” Josh said, holding up a McDonald's bag flashing a grin that made me feel a little weak in the knees. That feeling was immediately replaced with guilt. I shouldn't feel that way, I reminded myself. I would be kissing him all day tomorrow for the cameras, that last thing I needed was to make that awkward. 

“Well then, please, come on in.” I nodded and closed the door behind them. 

The three of us ate greasy McGriddles from McDonald's and drank coffee as we discussed how we'd burn off all the calories running through the “jungle” tomorrow. I flipped through the channels on the TV before Josh pulled out his next surprise and laid it out on the bar in the kitchen. 

“You brought weed!” I exclaimed in shock, nearly falling from my bar stool. 

Both of them burst into laughter and Josh shook his head.

“See what had happened was...” He smirked before continuing. “We wanted cigarettes but I didn't want to have to drive so I figured we could just walk down to the corner store, buy a pack and it'd be chill.” 

“And then?” I asked.

“And then... the guy didn't have like regular cigs. He said he'd sell us his specialty though, and he sold me this for twelve bucks.” Josh laughed a little and grabbed one of the blunts from the quart sized plastic bag in front of us. 

“You're not seriously going to smoke that, are you?” 

“Why not?” Josh asked unrolling the paper. “It looks like nicotine,” he continued leaning in to smell the substance. “Smells like it. You think it's laced with something?”

“I don't know! I don't want to see purple elephants, Josh!” My voice came out more like a squeak than I had intended and I started to laugh.

I followed Josh out onto the balcony, still in my yoga pants and t-shirt. Apparently Sam had gotten lost in some movie on television and flopped down on the sofa. Just as I sat down in the chair at the bistro table my cell phone started to ring in my hand. I looked down at the screen. Nick. 

My heart dropped down into the pit of my stomach. I did not want to have this conversation, not now, not ever really. Not in front of Josh or Sam or anyone for that matter. My split second decision was to ignore the call and I pressed my thumb to the button on the side of my phone, silencing it. I was too late though. Josh was staring at me with that curious look in his eye and I knew I wasn't going to get out of explaining who I was avoiding. 

“What?” I said, sounding a bit more aloof than I intended. 

“Are you all right? I'll go inside if you need to take that call,” he said, concern lacing his cool voice. 

“It's... Nick. I don't think I—I just, no I don't need to take that call.” I said, realizing I sound like a stammering idiot as I place my still-new iPhone on the glass table. 

Josh pulled out the chair across from me then, sitting down and leaning back in it. He stared out at the crashing waves against the shoreline. Quiet, not forcing me to talk but ready to listen. I almost wasn't sure what to do. It's been so long since anyone like him was in my life. He made me want to talk to him. Like, he just took all the pressure off and for a minute I just stared out at the Hawaiian landscape too.

“I think Nick and I are done.” I finally murmured, the sound of my own voice saying it out loud pierced my heart and before I could stop them, tears were pouring down my face. I covered my face with my hands, hoping Josh didn't see the tears or hear my muffled breathing but I felt his hands on my shoulders and I knew I wasn't hiding anything very well. 

He didn't say anything, I just felt his hands kneading my shoulders while I buried my head in my hands and cried. After a while I raised my head up, feeling overall embarrassed. Josh and I had gotten along since we met to film the first movie and we were pretty close but we'd never really talked much about relationships and I've never really cried in front of him, at least not off set. Now, here I was, sobbing like a school girl in front of him and I could feel my cheeks flush as I sniffled and dared to look at him. 

“I'm sorry. You all right?” Josh said, concern lacing his voice as he settled back into the chair across from me. 

I was at a loss for words, honestly. I was already mortified for breaking down like this in front of my friend and as much as I wanted to just pour everything out to someone I didn't want to make things awkward for us. 

“I showed up at your doorstep, drunk and pissed at my ex girlfriend.” Josh said. “You can talk to me, I owe you.” He grinned but I could barely manage to get my lips to curl into anything resembling a smile. Somehow words just began to flow from my lips without my consent after that. 

“I didn't want to move in with him. I wasn't ready to just move to Manhattan and be his wife and have his babies and just complicate my career. He's just been a total ass since then and we haven't talked since New Years and now he calls and I just—like what am I even supposed to do?” 

“Wow.” Josh muttered, running his fingers through those blonde locks thoughtfully. “You've got plenty of time for that. Nick seems like a cool guy but maybe it's for the best. I mean, maybe, you guys just need to slow down.” 

“Yeah,” I mumbled quietly grabbing the white roll of paper off the table. 

“Wait, you're going to try it now?” Josh chuckled, looking at me with wide eyes and waving the lighter in my direction. “Let me know if you see purple elephants.” He smirked. 

“Just light the cigarette.” I said, pushing it between my lips. 

“Fine,” he said, flicking his thumb across the lighter and holding it out to me. 

The look in his brown eyes takes my breath away as I inhale and smoke burns my throat and I begin to cough before holding the cig out to him. 

“Uh, you sure about this? I'm pretty sure I don't want to be known as the guy who kills Katniss Everdeen. It'd be bad for my image.” Josh said smoothly, before taking a long drag and stepping towards the edge of the balcony, leaning against the railing. 

I followed him over there, leaning my back against the rail beside him and taking my hair down to re-do my loose pony tail. He holds the odd looking cigarette back out to me and, determined, I take another drag, this time hardly coughing at all. He was still smiling when he took it back, and brought it to his lips as the sliding glass door opens and Sam steps out with Andre. Andre is Josh's best friend. It's rare to see Josh without Andre really so I'm not all that surprised to see him. Josh's face lit up when he saw him.

“I hope you don't mind, I let Andre in.” Sam said politely. 

“Of course not,” I said, hoping that I didn't look like I'd been crying my eyes out. Josh doesn't mention it the rest of the day and neither do I.

Turns out the cigarettes are simply cigarettes, nothing special so no purple elephants. We spend most of the day watching old Marlon Brando movies on TV with no more talk of Nick or relationships at all. I can't help but feel like one of the guys but by afternoon we end up with more of the cast in my room so finally I disappear to go shower and not look like a vagabond. 

An hour or so later, and after shuffling through eighty percent of the music on my phone while getting ready I stepped out of my bathroom to see three bottles of wine, some kind of cake and the majority of the cast and producers sitting around my living room. I gave Josh a shake of my head and he just shrugged. I was feeling real glad that I put on make up then. 

“So I was wondering if we can have a bonfire on the beach?” I overheard Josh ask the group. There's some chatter and then it's decided and people start fleeing my room to go get stuff for the bonfire in a few hours. The crowd dwindled down until all that was left were me, Josh and Andre. 

“So we'll see you in an hour?” Josh asked as they made their way toward the door. Something in the way he looked as me made me feel like he was more concerned than he was letting on. 

“Yeah, I'll be there.” I said swirling the Moscato in my glass as I walked them out but as soon as everyone was gone I took a deep breath and sank into the couch staring at my cell phone. Three missed calls from Nick and as I decided to dial his number a text message startled me. 

C _an we please talk? If you don't want to talk on the phone I understand but Valentine's Day is coming up so can I at least take you to dinner next weekend? Anywhere you want. -Nick_

I stared at the screen a while, thinking over the proposition. I barely got one day off from filming this week. I may not even get Valentine's Day off. Plus, I couldn't help but think over what Josh said and wonder if I'd just be wasting my time but dammit, I needed closure. I wish I didn't. I wish I could've just ignored him and pretended that he didn't matter to me but he does. He always has and before my mind could talk my heart out of it, I was texting him back. 

_I'm still in Hawaii, Nick. I don't know if I'll even be off that day._

I was itching to type more, to tell him that I missed him or that I'm not sure where this is going but none of it seemed to make sense in my head and I wasn't even sure how to explain what I was feeling so I left it at that, almost instantly I gott a reply.

_Then I'll come to you. See you Saturday._

And then my stomach twisted into knots. Saturday. Great. _Just great._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience, I'm focusing on finishing this work now so I'm going to try and update quicker. Sorry.


	8. Chapter 8

—Jennifer—

It's almost too hot for a bonfire in Hawaii. Sitting on the rocks at a distance is close enough for me. I brought my cell phone, for no other reason than just to have it on me. The flickering light off to my right on the beach, the gathering of bodies all enjoying music and beer and the simple joy of each other’s company should coax me closer but I just don’t feel like being social tonight. The waves crashing against my ankles are relaxing me, as well as the bottle of wine I have stashed next to me.

Tomorrow I will have to snap out of this mood and pretend to be Katniss Everdeen for filming but tonight I need to go ahead and figure out what I want. I've gotten so caught up in the debate in my head of trying to slow it down with Nick or just call it quits that I don’t even notice Josh until he leans against the rock beside me and holds up my bottle of wine, trying to read the label.

“Tosti Asti Spumante,” he announces, tipping it up and drinking it straight from the bottle before handing it back to me.

“Josh cooties. Fantastic.”

“Figured we could start swapping spit sooner than later,” Josh retorts.

At that moment I remember that tomorrow is the beach scene and with that I take another large swig of wine directly from the bottle and lean back against the rocks.

“We’ve kissed before,” I say nonchalantly, the breeze blowing across my growing-numb face. I'm not exactly sure how much wine I've drank at this point. Josh climbs up, tossing his shoes to the wayside and leans back next to me.

“Yeah and for what it’s worth, I’m definitely not calling in sick tomorrow.” Josh smirks and nudges my shoulder playfully.

“Stop teasing me, Hutcherson,” I manage to say but even I could tell I clearly lack my usual enthusiasm when it comes to aggravating Josh. After that we both grow quiet and I stare out at the ocean, listening to the wave’s crash with the occasional interruption of the bottle of wine sloshing as we pass it back and forth between us.

“Are you really okay, Jen?” Josh finally asks looking at me intensely through the darkness and I shrug but he doesn’t push me further. Instead he hops down from the rocks and extends a hand out to me. “Come on. I’ll walk you up.”

Taking his hand I slide down the rock and find my footing and we walk together over the rocks to the edge of the beach before I realize I'm still gripping his hand. I'm flushed embarrassed as I unlace my fingers from his and grab my shoes off the sandy beach.

“It’s okay—I got it.” I insist, walking slowly across the sand towards the crowd and the walkway back to my condo. I make a few rounds, stopping to speak to the producers and a group of co-workers before I'm anxious to retreat back to my room to where I can just hide until morning. Josh is waiting with Andre at the wooden steps that lead off the beach when I'm done.

“You really don’t have to walk me up,” I say. The trip to my room is short. Up a few steps from the beach and then a quick ride up the elevator and I’ll be free to let the tears go that have been fighting for release from my eyes. Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe things just suck with Nick but either way, I'm on the verge of crying and I don’t need an audience for that.

“Jennifer, I’m walking you up,” Josh says cutting me off and starting up the stairs. “I’ll meet you in the room, Andre.”

“All right, man,” Andre says and retreats back down the beach, beer in tow.

I follow Josh up the steps a bit until we are out of hearing distance before he turns to face me.

“You deserve better, Jen. There, I said it,” he says matter-of-factly, like he’d been holding onto it all day.

A flurry of different feelings rushes through my veins at his proclamation and I bite my quivering lip as we walk. _I will not cry right now, I will not cry right now, I will not cry right now._

Once we reach the elevator, Josh presses the button and turns to finally make eye contact with me. “I’m sorry Jennifer. It’s just… you don’t have to rush. He shouldn’t make you rush into anything, so don’t. Don’t let him, okay?”

I nod and something about the desperation in his voice makes me believe he really means it, every word. Once I'm safely in my room I melt against the door as I close it, leaving Josh on the other side as I sink to the floor in tears.

After I've cried every bit of my make up off I pull myself to my feet and trudge to my room to get ready for bed. As I sink underneath the covers in my white nightgown I check my phone one last time, part of me wishing that I’d have at least thanked Josh for walking me up. So before I go to sleep I type out a text to him.

_Thanks, Josh. For walking me up and stuff._

I figure the “and stuff” will cover his compliment, or was it advice? I'm not really sure what he was trying to accomplish, or why he said it but I can't really stop thinking about it. I'm not used to seeing Josh so serious and it's like he was fighting himself not to say more. I decide that night, before falling asleep that I need a break from Nick and that’s exactly what I'm going to tell him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A\N: Thank you so much to Caitlin for fixing all my tense problems and proofreading. Love you lady. As always please review and let me know what you think.]


	9. Chapter 9

—Jennifer—

The week is crawling by slowly. Filming is going well despite the fact that Francis decided to reshoot a few scenes and the infamous beach scene was pushed back until today. As if I wasn’t already slightly nervous, I roll over in bed to find a text from Nick reminding me that he was en route to Hawaii.

_Happy Valentine’s Day to me._ I'm already certain I'm only going to dislike Valentine’s Day even more than I already do after today. It's a pointless holiday, purely for retailers to make money on cards and candy and oversized fluffy stuffed animals. What use does a the three foot tall teddy bear actually have other than taking up space and reminding anyone who comes near it that your significant other wasted twenty bucks on a pointless gift?

“Ugh” a groan escapes my lips as I tug the covers up over my head. _Can I just never leave this bed?_

The knock on my door tells me otherwise and for at least the fifth time this week I remind myself that I have to get out of bed and be responsible. When I peek out of the peep hole in the door I find my production stylist on the other side and I unlock the bolt to let her in.

“You brought coffee,” I observe. “I knew you were awesome.” I grin sleepily as I slide my fingers around the cup, taking it from her.

An hour and a half later I stare at the mirror in front of me. My hair is braided down my shoulder and the skin tight black wet suit is squeezing all of my insecurities in tightly. Thankfully my coffee buzz is also beginning to kick in.

The first part of the morning is spent running through the jungle and pretending to eat raw fish and oysters on the beach with Sam and Josh. It isn't so bad until the afternoon when it's time to film the beach scene. Josh and I haven't had much time to talk or hang out during the week. I'm actually beginning to think he's avoiding me since Sunday after the bonfire but then again it’s not like we're obligated to hang out. Plus, I haven't exactly been forthcoming with everything going on with me. Staying locked in my room in the evenings and watching television doesn't exactly radiate friendliness or a desire for socialization.

Most of the cast is gone for the day by mid-afternoon so sitting on the sand shoulder to shoulder with Josh while Sam pretends to sleep beside us isn’t quite as public a production as I had anticipated. While Francis directs the cameramen where to go I try to get comfortable. Once I do Josh’s hand brushes up against mine. This isn’t for the cameras I realize and the thought seems to leave a scorching heat simmering in the pit of my stomach as I lift my eyes to meet his.

“Finally, my favorite part of the whole day,” Josh whispers quietly and I can’t tell if he's teasing me like always or if there is something more behind his words.

“Enjoy it while you can Hutcherson.” I retort coolly trying to ignore the warmth that floods to my cheeks when Francis calls for our attention.

Kissing someone when the cameras are on you has never been extremely romantic. There are at least ten people watching you, directing you where to put your hands or how wide to open your mouth but when Francis calls us into action and Josh begins his dialogue it is all too easy to kiss him. Our lips meld together and as my eyes close, his hands wrap around my waist. For a moment the world falls silent around us. No one criticizes the way that we hold our mouths or the placement of our hands and for that moment, my stomach swirls and I seem to forget that it's all just for the cameras.

“Cut!” Francis calls and when I pull away from Josh I'm out of breath and my cheeks are flushed. The sensation that's filling me is different than just kissing someone for the cameras and as I realize exactly what this means, I can't even look Josh in the eye.

“That was perfect you two.” Francis says. “We’ll only do a few more takes to get some different angles and then we’ll be done for the day.”

It is all I can do to look up at Francis and nod. The next two takes I'm trying so hard not to think about the heat in my stomach that we end up doing two more takes before Josh finally speaks up.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, I just… I’m fine. I’ll get it this time, sorry,” I say, taking a deep breath.

“Action!” Francis calls and Josh begins to speak again. _Just do it_ , I think to myself before leaning in and letting my lips quiet his words once again. This time, pouring myself into this kiss and letting my eyes flutter closed.

I can feel Josh respond to my kiss as he wraps his arms around me again and pulls my body closer. The growing bulge in his wetsuit hardens against me and, vaguely aware of our company, I have to refrain from moving into it, the way that my body demands.

“Cut!”

When I pulls away I can see the dark look in his eyes. The look that tells me I'm not the only one feeling things I'm not supposed to feel. His secret is only hidden by my body as I pull away. Francis is satisfied with the take and with that dismisses us from filming until Monday. Before I have time to really think about what had just happened I hear a voice from the distance. _Nick_.

“Jennifer!” he calls as I stand up and turn to see him walking in my direction. I hadn’t even noticed Nick had arrived. When I turn back around, Josh is still sitting in the sand beside Sam and the two of them are chatting. I assume because he is making sure his little secret stays hidden and guilt washes over me as I see Nick’s face _. I was doing my job_ , I remind myself but the anger in Nick’s eyes isn’t very reassuring.

“Hey,” I manage, as I dust the sand off nervously. I know that if Nick had flown all the way here to see me that we need to talk and it feels like I’ve swallowed a brick at the thought of what this conversation is going to bring.

“Looks like you and Hutcherson have real chemistry,” he says caustically and I can hear Josh and Sam go quiet behind me.

“Can we just go?” I plead, picking up my belongings from the sand and grabbing his arm.

“Are you sure you don’t want to spend Valentine’s Day with him?” Nick retorts and I can feel my heart thumping faster in my chest.

“Just stop it, Nick,” I say quietly, tugging at his arm. “Let’s go.” I don't want to turn around, I don't want Josh to get pulled into the problems I already have with Nick and I am pleading with whatever deity above that Josh didn’t hear any of this.

“Or he could just go.” Josh says approaching Nick and I. “Did you really come all the way to Hawaii to fight with Jennifer some more?”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Nick says tugging his arm out of my grip. I look around; most everyone has packed up and is walking up the beach except us. “Not until I talk to Jennifer. Alone.”

Josh‘s gaze meets mine, posing the question of whether or not he should leave.

“You should go. I’ll be fine.” My legs feel weak and as Josh and Sam walk away I plop my butt down in the sand again and take a deep breath. Nick stays quiet for a while before settling onto the sand next to me. “I can’t do this anymore, Nick, and it’s not because of Josh, no matter what you choose to believe.” The words feel like needles on my tongue, pricking and poking as I manage to force them out _. Jennifer and Nick, Nick and Jennifer._ It's actually over, I have no more will to even try. “I’m done, Nick,” I finally say, barely managing to hold the tears back from falling down my cheeks as I look up to gauge his reaction. His blue eyes are dark even against the sunlight reflecting from the shoreline.

“You don’t mean that Jennifer,” Nick says as he runs his hand across my arm and I flinch away.

“I do mean it. I’m tired of fighting. It's like we’re going in different directions. I have my whole career ahead of me. If the life you want with me is so important then can't it wait until I’m ready?”

“What about me, Jennifer? What about what _I_ want?” Nick says, his voice raising as he pushes himself up off the sand.

“This is exactly what I mean. I’m done fighting. _Done_. Why can't we just talk things out like we used to?” The tears lurch forward, one and then two, slipping down my cheeks despite my best efforts to stop them.

“This is it then?” he questions, anger written all across his face while my heart continues breaking into a thousand pieces in my chest.

“Yes,” I mumble before burying my head in my hands as the flood gates of my heart open and tears pour down my cheeks.

As Nick walks away I hear him yell one last thing before I'm alone with the waves.

“Enjoy your Valentine’s Day with Hutcherson.”

I don't even look up to watch him walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to my lovely beta reader, Caitlin. She's my hero. Thanks everyone for sticking with me all this time. I know it's taken forever but I really appreciate your feedback.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A/N: I know it’s a short chapter and you guys have been so patient with me for updates. Thank you so much. We moved over the holidays and are finally settled into our new place. It’s taken me some time to get past my writer’s block with the story but I hope you enjoy where this is going!]

—Jennifer—

I kept to myself most of the week after Nick and I broke up. The only relief from the pain of it was sleeping but every morning I’d wake up to my alarm and the searing pain of losing my best friend, at least he used to be my best friend, would hit me and I’d have to force myself to get out of bed. On top of that, I couldn’t even bare to consider what I felt for Josh right now, or what he obviously felt for me or any of that so I’d been avoiding him off set as much as possible.

As I roll to grab my iPhone of the nightstand I remember that today is our last day filming in Hawaii. Honestly, I’m not sad about it at all. I’m ready to get back to LA and lay on my couch with pizza, a big tub of ice cream and my array of romantic comedies and forget about all of the guys in my life. That sounds perfect.

I get myself ready and head down to set to meet my stylist. When I open the door to my trailer and step inside I find Josh sitting in my chair instead. Our eyes meet in the mirror and he spins around in the stylist chair to face me.

"Fancy seeing you here." He smiles and when he says it I try to fight the way my stomach tumbles when he looks at me that way. Ugh, can I just not have these feelings? Make it stop.

"Hey." I say, it comes out brusque and immediately I feel like I should come up with some joke to lighten the mood but I can’t. I just want to get through this day and get home.

His smile fades as he stands up. This might be the longest conversation we’ve had off-set all week though.

"Sorry." I mumble, hating myself, hating everything right now.

He just shakes his head. “I’m sorry, you know. And… I’m here for you, if you need to talk but I get it, you need your space. Nick was important to you and I just really want to see you happy Jenn.”

He turns and disappears out of the trailer before I even have a chance to answer him so I sit down where he had been sitting and spin the chair around to face the mirror. That’s when I notice the cup of coffee with my name written on it sitting there. It’s still warm and naturally I investigate it.

After the Tiffany’s box with the crickets in it I’m suspect of any gifts. Plus, Josh is the best at pranks but as far as I can tell the coffee is harmless and it taste delightful so I venture to drink it. My stylist comes in shortly after and prepares me for today’s filming.

I spend most of the day shooting my bow and running through the forest with Jena Malone. Once Francis calls the final cut I gather my belongings and toss them in my teal bag before digging out my cell phone and texting Josh.

Hey, I forgot to tell you, thanks for the coffee. I type out and send before pulling my bag over my shoulder and walking with Jena up the beach to my car.

The next few weeks are quiet once I’m back in LA. I spend as much time as possible on my couch with ice cream and pizza, just like I planned. Nick doesn’t call or text and I don’t make an effort to contact him either. I know I can’t stay here forever but it’s a nice break from working and the hustle and bustle of my life over the last few months. I’m still in my pajamas, hair a mess, with a coffee mug in my hand when I hear a knock on the door and pad from my kitchen to the door, peeking through the peep hole. It’s Josh. We have texted quite a bit since we returned from Hawaii, neither of us daring to mention what happened on the beach. I’m surprised to see him, but it’s almost eleven in the morning so I’m immediately embarrassed by my disheveled appearance.

"Just a minute!" I call through the door and run to my bedroom to look in the mirror. I pat down my wild hair and put on a sports bra before I hurry back to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open.

"I wasn’t expecting you." I admit, motioning for Josh to come inside.

He smiles and steps through the door. “Sorry for not calling ahead, I just figured you’d blow me off again.”

Right… Yeah I would have, just like the last three times he offered to come over and hang out with me but I don’t admit it to him.

"I just made coffee," I say holding up the red ceramic mug in my hand. "Want some?"

He laughs lightly, “Sure.” And then walks over falling back on the couch like he owns the place.

I can’t help but grin as I make my way to the kitchen and realize it might be the first time I’ve smiled in a while. I pour him some coffee and heat up my own cup before shuffling back into the living room and sitting down on the couch next to Josh.

"Black coffee. Just the way you like it." I mumble, picking up the remote and beginning to flip through the channels.

"So is this how you plan to spend your Sunday, Jenn? Sipping coffee on the couch in your pajamas?"

For some reason, the way he says it makes me realize how pathetic I’ve been lately and I hate it.

"No. I plan on drinking vodka later and eating pizza."

"You must keep Papa John’s in business." Josh says and I cut my eyes at him, even though he’s probably right. "What?" He questions, nudging my leg with his Vans sneaker playfully. "Come on. I’m taking you out." He continues with that smooth smile that makes my knees go weak.

"No. I’m not going anywhere like this." I grumble but when I look up to meet those chocolate brown eyes I can’t help but want to go with him. Anywhere.

"Go get ready." Josh says grabbing the remote out of my hand. "I’ll wait."

I groan a little but push myself up off the couch.

"Fine. Just… make yourself at home.” I mumble as Josh lays across the couch and begins flipping through the channels.

I turn and pace towards my room with a smile, realizing that’s twice now that he’s made me smile when it’s the last thing I want to do.


	11. Chapter 11

 —Jennifer—

I take my time getting ready. Besides, if Josh is insistent on _taking me out_ then I have an excuse to actually put on make up and look my best. I settle on a pair of denim slacks with a lacy white tank top, and I grab my favorite white blazer to layer over it. I check myself in the mirror one last time, straightening out one of my unruly curls before slipping on my brown heels and walking into the living room. 

Josh is on the edge of the couch, enthralled in a football game when I find him. He looks up at me with a smile.

“You clean up nice.” 

“Seems like I've heard that one before.” I say, remembering Josh in my living room in a drunken stupor not _so_ long ago.

Josh sighs, hanging his head. “Don't remind me.” 

“So what is Vanessa now? Dust in the wind?”

“Something like that.” He says, turning off the television with the remote and hopping off the couch.

“So where are you taking me, Hutcherson?” I question curiously, grabbing my purse and keys off the table.

“It's a surprise,” Josh says as he pulls open the door and I follow him out to his car.

His BMW is spotless as usual, he probably spent all day yesterday washing and waxing it. It's his baby, next to his motorcycles. He opens the door to the passenger side for me and I raise my eyebrows in surprise.

“Are you afraid I'm going to run back inside, Josh?” 

“Maybe. Or maybe I'm just a gentleman.” He shrugs with a smirk as he closes the door and walks around to the driver's side, getting in.

He's quiet for a few minutes as we drive and I relax into the seat, looking out the window and trying to figure out where we're going. As soon as we hit the California 1-10 I decide we're going to the coast and soon I find myself face to face with Venice Beach. It's quiet here, mostly residential and honestly, it's perfect. 

Josh comes around the car and pulls open my door with a smile. “You can't pee in the water here but I figured we could walk down to the pier and get some pizza.”

“That sounds great,” I say, grabbing my phone and sliding it in my pocket. 

I take my shoes off, letting my toes sink into the cool sand as we walk down the beach toward the fishing pier. 

“If I had anything to do with your split from Nick, I'm really sorry. I just want to see you happy, Jen. That's all, I swear.” 

I'm taken back by his words, the last thing I want to do is talk about Nick but I guess I can't put it off forever. “No, it was a lot of things. He—he asked me to move to Manhattan with him and I couldn't do it. I just wasn't ready and I have felt like he's held that against me for months. I guess we just wanted different things right now.”

Josh looks surprised and maybe relieved. “Then what do you want? What would make you happy, Jennifer?” 

The waves are crashing in the background but I can hardly hear them because my mind is spinning at the question Josh poses. The look in his eyes is so sincere though, it makes me want to answer him honestly but I guess the truth is I'm not even sure myself. I found myself looking down at the sand as I try to figure out what I want to say but as usual, words flow from my lips before my mind can filter them.

“I honestly don't know. I guess, I just want to be with someone who wants to be with me. Someone who understands that I'm in no rush to settle down and have a family yet and respects that instead of holding it against me. That's.. the short version, I guess,” I mumble.

“I understand that,” Josh says when I finally look up at him. “Just live in the moment and enjoy life. You shouldn't have to rush into anything.” 

I shrug. “So what about you and Vanessa?”

Josh sighs. “Yeaaaaah, that was doomed for a while. I haven't talked to her since before Christmas.” 

I laugh quietly because any time Vanessa came up with me and Josh it was always on the rocks. 

“What?” He says, grinning.

“Is that a record?” I smirk slightly.

“Maybe.” 

I nudge his shoulder playfully as we approach the steps up to the pier and make our way up the old wooden planks. Once we get our pizza we walk down the pier and sit on the wooden bench built into the side. It's quiet and calm and as I look out over the ocean I'm glad that Josh forced me out of the condo. 

“This definitely beats coffee on the couch,” I admit, taking a bite of pizza. Josh has already finished his piece and he takes a long drink of his Coke as he looks up at me. 

“Thanks,” I continue and he nods.

“My pleasure.” 

 

We finish eating and walks down the pier until we reach the end. I hang over the side slightly, trying to see the water below us. Josh grabs my hips from behind, his fingers trailing beneath my blazer, as I lean over and gives me a little push making me feel like I'm going to go plunging over. 

“Oh my God!” I scream.

Just as quick though, his hands grip my sides and pull me back into him. My breath hitches as our bodies come into contact and a laugh slips through my lips as I melt backwards into him. 

We stay that way for a few minutes with neither of us moving away from the other. It feels good and even though I know I shouldn't, I relish the feel of him, the smell of him, and I wait for him to pull away. 

When he finally does I feel like the air around us is buzzing and, naturally, I have to break the silence.

“Are you trying to drown me, Hutcherson? Put me out of my misery?” 

“No, I'm trying to save you,” he says without missing a beat. The way my heart seems to pound against my chest, as he licks his lips and grins, makes me have to resist the urge of leaning in and pressing my lips against his. 

“Maybe I don't need saving,” I say, fighting back all those feelings.

“You will if I throw you over,” he chuckles running his hands back down my sides and I don't fight it, instead I lean against the edge of the pier and look out across the sparkling ocean. It would be pretty cold down there, probably sixty degrees but that doesn't stop the surfers in the distance. 

“You know I'm a great swimmer. I won't need saving,” I repeat as he releases my sides and leans casually against the wood next to me. 

“Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to be a surfer?” he asks, looking at my from the corner of his eye.

“You... a surfer? Was that around the time you wanted to be part of N'Sync, JT?” I say facetiously. 

“No, definitely after that dream faded.”

“I think you should stick with acting. I've heard you sing and I've seen you paddleboard... and cough up salt water for ten minutes.” 

“Shut up,” he says and I laugh.

We stand there discussing Josh's near death experience with surfing with his buddy, Avan, and for a little while I manage to forget the suffocating pain in my chest. In fact, I don't think about Nick at all that afternoon but I don't realize that until I'm alone in my condo again that night.

That night I lay in bed and I can't help but think about the way it felt when Josh's hands trailed across my hips. The way it felt when his body was so close against mine and I feel a new ache now which only leaves me more confused. I've never really had a rebound relationship and I can't help but wonder if I'm so starved for affection that I'm making Josh into that. At the same time, though, I find my hand trailing between my legs at the thought of being that close to Josh again. Visions of what it would feel like without so many layers of fabric between us. I make myself roll over and don't allow myself to think that way anymore. Josh is one of my best friends and I don't want to ruin that.


	12. Chapter 12

—Jennifer—

"C'mon Jennifer," my agent says her fingers typing quickly on her iPhone. "You've got to be on the red carpet by 6:45 at the latest."

I smooth my hands over my dress one last time as I look into the mirror. The white pattern ridges softly between my fingertips but I really like the way it looks. I twirl slightly and watch as it sways gently.

"Now how do I say it again? Coat-ure?" I ask as my stylist bends and helps me slide my feet into my stiletto heels. Oh my god, what are these like 10 inches? I wobble a bit, and my stylist gives me a look of concern.

"It's Dior Haute Couture. Maybe try not to emphasize it so much, Kentucky." My agent grins. "Nervous?"

My stylist interjects now, "I am. Jennifer, are you sure you can walk in those heels?"

"Yes, I've got this," I insist and prance around the room for them. "Do I get to keep these? I could start my next career as a pole dancer with these shoes." I say. Shit. Filter on, Jen. Oh god. I laugh nervously and my stylist, Kareem, just shakes his head.

"Honey, you win that Oscar and I bet you can negotiate keeping the shoes but do me a favor..." he grins, grabbing my right arm. "You just focus on walking in these heels tonight and then we can talk about this dancing career."

I give him an over-exaggerated wink and he plucks one more bobby pin into my skull. There are at least thirty in my hair already, I have no idea why that bobby pin was necessary but I don't say anything. My agent is already standing by the door, still clicking away on her iPhone.

"Is she done, Kareem?" She asks impatiently, not bothering to remove her eyes from her phone.

Phone, where's my phone?

I locate my phone and keys on the end table and I carefully walk over and pick them up and put them in my clutch. I notice I have a message but I'll wait until I'm in the limo to read it. I'm pretty sure I know who it's from anyway.

"She's done." Kareem says and gives me a smile. "You're gorgeous. Good luck, sugar," he adds and I give him a huge smile before walking over and kissing his cheek.

"Thanks. All the credit goes to you," I admit before following my agent out the door and down the hall to the elevators of the hotel. We, of course, exit out the rear entrance and get into our limousine. I slowly scoot across the back seat of the black SUV before my agent settles into the seat across from me. Once we're moving I finally pull out my phone to check my text messages.

Good luck tonight, Jen. You definitely deserve this Oscar.

The message was from Josh and it brought a huge smile to my face. We had been talking a lot more since our return from Hawaii and our trip to Venice Beach. After that, I seemed to be getting back on my feet since my break up with Nick and honestly, Josh deserved most of the credit. He never let me sit at home for more than a day and I talked to him more than Zoe, even. He was my rock and I was beginning to care less and less if he was just a rebound. He was my friend first and whatever feelings were developing for him, I couldn't shake them off. I was slowly finding myself giving in more and more and there was no denying that I wish I would have just asked him to come with me tonight but I hadn't had the courage.

Thanks. I wish you were here.

I type out the words as the limousine stops. I look out at the people through the tinted windows, tons of people outside the fenced boundary of the red carpet. I knew it would be like this but seeing it sends my stomach lurching into my throat and I have to take a deep breath. The door of the limo opens and I quickly have to press send on my phone and tuck it back into my clutch so I can get out. The roar of the crowd is shocking, no matter how many times I have to walk the red carpet for a premiere or an awards celebration, I can never get used to it.

I hear my name from every direction and I remind myself to smile. Just keep smiling. I keep my eyes on my agent and my first stop is for an interview. My mind is on Josh though, well and pizza. Always pizza. God I'm starving, I think to myself and without realizing I've said it aloud.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry." I begin to apologize and I can see my agent shaking her head and laughing.

Between my stomach growling and my urge to check my phone the night starts off a little shaky but once the ceremony begins it goes by rather quickly. Bradley and I chat as we watch the different people present and receive awards until the category I'm nominated is up. I'm a hot mess as I clench my hands together tightly beneath the table. The room feels like it's getting larger and I'm not sure I want to win this award since that means I'll have to go up and give a speech. As quickly as the thought crosses my mind, it's my name that echoes in my ears and Bradley is standing up and then all the others at our table are standing up and... oh my god, I won.

My feet seem to propel me upwards and I'm still in shock as Bradley wraps his arms around me and hugs me. I can't stop smiling for a few minutes and as I make my way up to the stage I forget about the fact that I need to take it slow and as I take the first step, my dress catches and I'm falling. I mumble a few curses as I catch myself and then I feel hands on my back. I turn my head hoping to miraculously see Josh but instead it's dazzling blue eyes that meet mine. Tom Hiddleston. Holy fuck.

I'm almost crying as he helps me up but there's not time to linger in those thoughts when the entire room, all the cameras have all eyes on me. I take a deep breath, put on my best smile and slowly kick my dress as I walk up the remainder of the steps to accept my award. Kick, walk. Kick, walk.

My speech ends up a rambling mess of thank-you's and oh-my-gods before I graciously run off the stage and realize that my jokes we're lost of most of the crowd. Then I'm placed in front of a group of reporters and expected to answer questions. This is a disaster.

By the end of the night, I'm walking barefoot back to the limo with my mom and dad and talking about pizza. I persuade my driver to stop at Pizza Hut to pick up two large pizzas and a 2-liter Coca-Cola for my family and I. While we wait for it, I finally pull out my phone and turn it back on. It chimes at least thirty times before it stops. I've never been congratulated so many times in my life. I'm grateful, and a lot in shock, but I have no energy to reply to all of these messages, instead my eyes scan for one name in particular.

Don't tease me, Jen.

Josh's first message since my previous one to him read. It was followed later by another.

Congratulations, Jennifer. I'm so proud of you.

Proud of me. At first, his words give me this weird, tingly feeling. I sit there on the dark black leather seat trying to figure out why as my parents chat and I pretend to look interested. I never meant to make anyone proud really except for myself. Acting was the one thing I fell in love with but hearing that he's proud of me gives me a sense of accomplishment I never realized I yearned for.  
I'm exhausted... and so glad it's over. Thank you so much.

I send the message and almost immediately get a reply from him.

It's my pleasure. Get some sleep.

Before I get a chance to reply there is hot pepperoni and sausage pizza within reach and like children, my parents and I all eat pizza and bread sticks on the way back to the hotel. I don't waste much time before I get out of this dress and fall, for the second time tonight. Except this time it's into my California King bed.


	13. Chapter 13

—Jennifer—

My hands fumble around in the pocket of my jacket searching for my stash of Mentos as Josh gets stopped by a reporter. I happily keep walking down the red carpet at the premiere. _Sucker_ , I laugh to myself.

I pop one of the Mentos into my mouth and I stop for some photos. All of the interviews are getting old now. I swear I’ve answered every single question about Katniss and about my new hair at least three times. I’m just ready to get through another viewing of Catching Fire and get some down time to relax and blow off steam. Tonight, that means going out with the cast. Suprisingly, I’m looking forward to it, well, actually I’m looking at that black suit that Josh has on tonight. When I walked into his hotel room earlier his stylist was doing his hair, I managed to talk them into spiking it up and, g _od, was that a good decision._

I shake myself mentally, I’m doing it _again._ Lately, I find myself just staring at him and imagining _things_ , things I shouldn't be imagining; things I don’t want to even admit, but the thoughts are there, clouding the edges of my mind.

This summer I kept my distance, Josh and I talked in texts or an occasional phone call but we were miles apart. Reuniting for the world premiere of Catching Fire has ignited a spark that I had tried to write off as simply a rebound but it can’t be. Not after months of trying to run from what I’ve been feeling since we were in Hawaii and frankly, _I’m tired of running._

Eventually I make my way down the red carpet and we all take our seats in preparation for the viewing of Catching Fire. I end up sandwiched in between Liam and Josh. During the introduction I cross my legs, letting the stiletto heel hang loosely before kicking Josh gently with the toe of my shoe. He turns to me, raising his eyebrows before leaning over.

His lips tickle my ear and cause a chill to run down my spine as he whispers, “Don’t start with me, Jennifer.”

“What?” I hiss quietly and smirk when the lights dim around us.

He shakes his head and mumbles, “ _Tease_.”

Since we’re surrounded by people I simply sigh and trail the toe of my shoe slowly across the back of his calf. He cuts me a look but I don’t stop, instead I lean over closer to him letting my lips graze his ear now.

“I’m not teasing,” I whisper a little too loud and Liam turns to look at us. I laugh and decide to try and behave for a while. Josh just shrugs and shakes his head like _what do you expect me to do with her_?

After the credits roll and the lights slowly flicker on from overhead our cast exits the theater and we all stand congregating in the back hall. Josh and Sam convince everyone to head to a local club downtown known for its drinks and dancing. Eventually, we all pile into cars and I find myself in a limo with Josh, Jena and Sam. Relieved, I reach down, my fingers prying off the shoes that are hurting my feet so badly.

“There’s no way I’m dancing in these shoes,” I announce and stretch my legs out across the seat.

"Get those things off me," Josh says wriggling away from me.

"My dogs are barking," I whine and trail my foot across his thigh while Sam and Jena aren't paying attention.

Josh reaches down running his hands across one of my feet, gently massaging it.

"Oh, that's good," I say closing my eyes. His hands really do feel fantastic and I wonder how they might feel elsewhere.

"Do we need to leave you two alone?" Jena asks, raising her eyebrows when I look at her.

"Do foot rubs turn you on, Jena?" Josh laughs and the releases my foot only to grab the other one.

"Only when they are being done to me," she retorts and nudges Sam.

"Nah uh, I don't do feet darling," Sam says in his British accent and gives her a shake of his head.

I don't really care what they do but I don't say that in my catatonic state. I'm thoroughly enjoying Josh's hands kneading over the soles of my feet and when the limousine comes to a stop my heart drops a little because I can't help but want _more_. Josh reaches over grabbing my black stiletto heels off the seat before placing them gently back on each of my feet.

I grab my clutch and lead the way out of the black SUV. I feel a hand on my hip as Josh and I walk down the sidewalk toward the brightly lit entrance of the club.

The musty smell of nicotine and alcohol greet us as we step inside. I follow Jena to an empty booth in the corner. It's dark except for the pulsing lights on the dance floor and a dim light hanging above each table. In every corner bodies sway to the music.

"You want a drink?" Josh asks, his lips curling up in a smile. "I need a drink."

"Apple Martini, s'il vous plaît." I request in my best French accent.

"Oui bien sûr," Josh replies with a wink.

Josh and Sam disappear off to the bar and then a young man walks over to us with a tray full of shots. "They are on the house," he says in a broken English accent, sitting down six glasses on the table.

Jena raises her eyebrows at the server.

"What is this?"

"Fireball,” he remarks and gives her a wink before sauntering away to another group of people.

I've already gotten my fingers wrapped around two plastic cups that serve as shot glasses.

"I used to love Fireballs, it smells just like that."

Jena downs one of the shots. "Fuck, it tastes just like it too." She laughs placing her now-empty cup on the black marble table.

I down my shot and then down another before Josh and Sam return to the table.

"What is this??" Josh says, his eyes surveying the empty cups on the table.

"I saved one for you," I smile widely, finally feeling like I can relax. "It's Fireball. And it's _wonderful_."

Josh slides across my Appletini and we all sit and chat for a little while over drinks until Sam suggests we play a game of Quarters with shots of Fireball. I quickly discover I'm horrible at Quarters, and even more horrible and not saying the word 'drunk', which is so far our only rule because we're quickly becoming too tipsy too get a quarter into the shot glass.

"I quit," I announce and slide the quarter across the marble table at Jena who's probably the most sober of us all.

"God, how can you hold your liquor so well? I can't feel my face," I say, poking my lips out and patting my cheeks with my hands.

"Lightweight," Josh chuckles and I feel his fingers sliding across my thigh underneath the table. My breath hitches and my heart begins to race in my chest.

“Want to dance?” he asks sliding out of the booth beside me and extending me his hand.

“Uhh,” I groan unable to turn down the cute drunken smile of his. “What the hell,” I say, taking his hand and sliding out of the booth, wobbling slightly.

“Woaah there, Trouble.” Josh grins and wraps and arm around my waist to support me.

“Thanks,” I laugh. “I warned you, I mean, about the shoes.”

“True, but I've got you,” Josh says, supporting me as we weave our way through people on the dance floor.

The music becomes deafeaning and I swear the temperature just rose ten degrees. Josh's fingers trail across my back before he spins me around to face him. I laugh and lean into him, swaying with him to the music as his hands linger on my hips. The lights begin to dim above us as the music slows down and it's like it's we're the only two people here.

Josh wraps his hands around my waist and I run my arms up, past the silver tie hanging loosely around his neck, and clasp my hands together. His skin is so warm and as our bodies move closer together I can feel the heat radiate off of him.

“Yes, you do,” I lean in to him and say just loudly enough for him to hear over the music.

That's all it takes before his lips come crashing into mine, with such fervor that I'm swept away and I don't think about the crowded room, the other cast members. I don't think of Nick or anything else except Josh's lips pressing against mine and the way his hands feel pressed firmly against the small of my back.

His tongue dives into my mouth and I welcome it, allowing him access. The music is so loud but it's becoming muffled by my own heartbeat. I let my eyes flutter closed and I can't focus on anything except the way our mouths move together and the way his hips now press into mine urgently. Heat sears through the pit of my stomach and I can barely breath when his lips part from mine.

_I want more_. I curse the DJ when the music picks up and the strobing lights begin flashing again, illuminating the two of us in our precarious position. Our bodies are still pressed together, our noses brushing lightly against one another in our hesitation to move apart.

Josh's chest heaves against mine as I try to catch my breath. He begins to speak, to apologize, but I silence him by pressing my mouth against his again.

“Don't,” I say when our lips part again. “Please don't say that.”

I trail my hands down his arms as he shakes his head . The two of us stand unwavering against each other while everyone else seems to dance and move around us. Josh starts to pull away but suddenly stops and does the opposite, pulling me closer to him.

“I've wanted you for so long, Jennifer.”

I don't know what to say. The truth is, I only just realized what I wanted exactly but it's him. I want _him_. I grab his hand now, not vocalizing a reponse but instead pulling Josh through the crowd and off the dance floor.

He follows me but I don't make it far until I run into Jena.

“There you two are!” She smiles widely before realizing that something is going on. “We were just getting ready to leave.”

My heart sinks and I look back at Josh. I can't read his face but he squeezes my hand before letting it go.

“Yeah, that's fine.” he says, his voice strained. I can imagine mine would sound the same if I tried to say much.

“I just need my purse.” I say and turn briskly to walk towards the booth in the corner. I'm half way there before I realize Josh is following me. I hesitate at the table, after grabbing my clutch, waiting for him.

“To be continued?” I ask, my eyes meeting his chocolate brown eyes.

“To be continued,” he agrees with a sad smile before wrapping an arm around my waist again. “God, you really are going to be the death of me, Lawrence.” His flirtatious tone slowly coming to the surface again.

“What?” I laugh, leaning into him as we walk back towards Jena.

“Nothing.” He says as we catch up with the others. It's all I can do to keep from leaning back over and kissing him again.

It's the longest ride back to the hotel, with my eyes trailing over to Josh every few minutes. Everything has changed now and there's no going back. 


	14. Chapter 14

—Jennifer—

The Tahoe stops at the curb of the high rise hotel and I swear there’s no more oxygen left in the limousine. I swing the door open, practically leaping out, before the driver can even come around to open the door for us. My chest welcomes the brisk night air as it fills my lungs, momentarily subduing the urge to press my lips against Josh’s.

"Miss Lawrence? Are you all right?" The driver says as he makes his way around to me and at the same time Josh steps out of the limousine behind me, placing his hand on my back in the most beautifully antagonizing way. Jena and Sam come around the back of the black SUV, laughing and smiling.

"I’m fine. Thanks." I wave off the driver with a reassuring smile but my heart is still racing as Josh’s hand trails across my back and then down to my waist, tugging me into him as we walk up to the revolving door. Why am I so nervous? What am I afraid of?

Then I realize the answer is simple. I’m afraid of what’s happening between us, of losing Josh, my friend Josh, but now I can’t look at him the same. I want him and it’s not the alcohol, it’s not a rebound, or even some lustful pleasure that will dissipate after one night. No, it’s so much more now and I’m terrified.

The red and orange carpet squares lead us to the steel doors of an elevator that opens up in front of us and Josh and I follow Jena and Sam into the suffocating box of steel. My room is on a different floor from Josh’s and when he grazes his fingertips over my waist as I step off the elevator with Jena I can feel his hesitation at letting me go. It’s nothing compared to how much I don’t want this night to end and as we bid the boys goodnight. I slide the card in the door knob to my room and tell Jena goodnight before closing the door behind me with shaking hands.

I pry the stiletto heels off and toss them across the room when I hear a light rapping on the door. My heart leaps and I dash over, barefoot, to look through the peep hole and see Josh mouthing the words, “Hurry up!” at me.

I jerk the door open, grab his hand, and tug him inside before quickly shutting the door back. Swiftly, his hands are on me, pushing me backwards. With each press of his lips against my own I acquiesce until the back of my knees are touching the mattress and I fall back, gently pulling him down with me.

There are no words, only incoherent noises. Gasps as his fingers delve beneath the hem of my dress, the rise and fall of my chest pressing against his and pleasurable curses muffled by my lips on his own. Only the bathroom light illuminates the dark room, the blinds open, and through the window I can glimpse at the orbs of light from buildings scattered across the cityscape.

I don’t waste time gazing out the window, though, my eyes flutter closed when his nose brushes mine and noticing where my eyes were momentarily focused Josh smiles.

"I don’t care if the whole city watches us."

His wicked grin darkens as my fingers fumble across the belt at his waist. His eyes gleam like smooth dark gems when my hands victoriously defeat the black leather, tugging it apart. That’s as far as I get before he’s pushing his hands up my thighs, hiking my skirt up until it’s bunched at my waist.

A breathy sigh escapes my lips. I’m practically humming at his touch and my head falls back as his fingertips brush over the silk fabric of my panties. This is really happening.

I manage to open my eyes, to make sure this isn’t one of my fantasies. His eyes are wild, full of something I’ve only seen once before, that day on the pier. My heart skips a beat, dropping into the pit of my stomach and I inhale sharply. I need my lips on his, I need more, I have to have more.

I reach for him but he shakes his head no and pushes my hands up above my head, his tongue sliding across his lips smoothly. My eyes have adjusted now and at first I fight because I need him so god damn bad but when his mouth collides back against mine I don’t resist. I let my hands fall back on the blankets above my head and he holds them both with one hand, gently gripping my wrists.

His other hand falls between my thighs, rubbing the silk fabric with his thumb.

"Kiss me." It’s all I can say.

I’m practically begging for it now but I don’t care. I want him, all of him. I want his mouth on mine, I want it trailing wet kisses down my chest; down my stomach. I want his tongue exploring every single square inch of my body.

He obeys, lips colliding roughly, his tongue intermingling with my own with hot, wet kisses. He doesn’t resist now when I pull my hands free and tug on the collar of his shirt searching for the buttons. His finger grazes across the edge of my panties and I begin to jerk the shirt until I hear buttons popping with my frustrated need to have his skin on mine.

"Slow it down, Lawrence." He smiles, unbuttoning the shirt from the bottom before I do anymore damage.

A blush creeps across my cheeks but once the shirt is tossed to the side and we’re pressed together tightly I’m hardly embarrassed. His kisses set my insides alight, his thumb dipped beneath the band of my panties, I can hardly breath at all.

My mouth finds his again but I want more than just his fingertips. My hands reach down, taking care to unbutton his pants slower this time and his erection springs free as he pulls his slacks and boxers down.

Immediately I wrap my hands around it and the throaty noise that he makes leaves me reeling.

"Fuck, Jen."

Oh god, the way he says my name.

His hands are on my waist, the fabric of my dress beneath his fingers.

"This has to go." He breaths, wiggling the dress off my hips along with my panties. "Fuck, you’re so beautiful."

"C’mere." I husk. It’s all I can manage to say and then his skin is on me. He’s hot and slick against me and his thickness is pressing at my entrance. My legs fall to the side easily.

His lips crash against mine as he pushes into me, silencing my gasp with his own sigh of relief. His fingers tangle into my hair as I lift my hips to meet him, letting my head fall back on the bed.

He fills me completely and it feels go perfectly good. My hands grip the blankets as we move together, my chest heaving with each rise and fall of his body against mine. His fingers dig into my hips, rougher with every meeting of our bodies as one.

"Please Josh. Don’t ever stop." I plead. I’m not above begging, my body needs him. Not just his skin on mine, I need all of him. I need the good and the bad. I need the flirting and the sarcasm, the honesty and the friendship and I need this, oh god I need this.

My stomach tightens as he presses into me again, rubbing against the right spot so damn perfectly.

"There." I cry, my hands untangling from the blankets at our side to grip his back as he struggles to continue his same movements until I cry out again and the waves of pleasure rack my body against his own.

Triggered by my climax he grips my hips tighter until his hands wrap around the small of my back to hold me against him as his head falls back and he comes apart completely.

We’re a tangled mess of limbs in the blankets, wrapped around one another so closely. My eyes don’t hesitate to close when I’m in the comfort of his arms.

His lips trail across my ear, right as I’m on the cusp of sleep.

"I’ve waited so long for this," he says. "Don’t go to sleep, that means this night will end." He whispers, placing damp kisses across my neck and I shiver.

"There’s always tomorrow." I mumble sleepily in his arms and peek an eye open to see him smile.

"Tomorrow." He agrees, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and laying his head down beside me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Thank you all for taking the time to read this story. I know it’s taken ages to finish it and it’s open-ended because I intend to continue in a series of one-shots in some fashion or another. I know that I can tell how I’ve grown in my writing through this story and I can’t tell you how much it means that you stuck with me. Thank you so much.)


End file.
